Today we are sharing with you a classic family recipe, keyword stuffing, that will bring rave reviews from all the has-been “website SEO experts” sitting around your Thanksgiving table.
Here’s the recipe:
Wash and pat dry your turkey as you want to make sure the keywords stick.
Open an online thesaurus and begin copying some keywords into a bowl. For this recipe, I found some small, second-grade keywords that go nicely with turkey stuffing.
Toss a few breadcrumbs into your bowl along with your keywords and veggies. Throw in a bit of water to taste. Stir vigorously.
We suggest using 10-15 keywords per pound. Make sure the words are heavily packed into the bowl. You never want your website content to be light and fluffy, so don’t leave a lot of air around them and press them down firmly. This will help make sure you have enough keywords to soak up the liquid. If you like drier stuffing, add more keywords.
Add a bit of creative writing to the bowl but make sure your sentences are stilted and feel like they were written by a robot. Mix thoroughly, coating each sentence with soggy breadcrumbs.
Make sure your turkey is breast-side up and gently spoon the keyword stuffing into the turkey until it is overflowing. If some of the keywords fall out, scoop them up and save them for the gravy. See our recipe for keyword gravy on page 203.
Preheat the oven to 375º and cook the keyword-stuffed turkey until the button pops. Peek inside to make sure all the keywords have swelled to dominate the cavity of the bird
Remove from the oven, let rest, and serve with generous dollops of keyword-stuffed headlines and subheads, and a heaping side of sarcasm.
Enjoy! Because no one else will.
Moral of this story: Don’t stuff your website with keywords. Write naturally with your customers in mind and the kudos will come.